How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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