margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
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