remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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