Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
