Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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