Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
