He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
