i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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