A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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