Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
