We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
