I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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