I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
