Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
