im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
