I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
