My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
