First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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