I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
My balls are so social today.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
