So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize