I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
