So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
