i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize