He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
