Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
