Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
