normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
