I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
