Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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