Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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