dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
