Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
