With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
