Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
