I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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