A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
