to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I party with great urgency now.
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