sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
