I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
