how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
