three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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