dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
