I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The air taste purple.
Randomize
