so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
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