Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
