Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize