I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
