1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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