I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
