it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
