if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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