My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
