Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
