TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
