normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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