If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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