I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
The beer is more important than you right now.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
