id be glad to
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
