The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
