you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
