mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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