apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
