and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Randomize
