Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
