Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
