I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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