in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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