Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
