The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
vagina is talking i cant
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Randomize
