I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize