I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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