i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Randomize
