I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
