Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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