Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize