My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
