spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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