we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
