If i come over, it means nothing
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Your mouth is God's brothel.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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