He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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