This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize