NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
ttyl tear gas
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
