If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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