problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
