Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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