Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
